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I stumbled on something pretty cool when rummaging around this mess i call my apartment.
I found Libby's vows that she was going to say at our wedding. They almost made me cry. It's actually pretty funny what she put in there at the end. I guess I'll just have to share.
Libby's Vows:
"Mat, I believe that for every part of our lives, God's plan is absolutely perfect; that is why I know that I was brought to someone very special during that mission trip in Rhode Island. I admit that at first I was timid and scared, even skeptical about what God was doing, even so, I knew that God was only asking one thing of me... to have faith like a child. Even though it was hard, I did. At some points during our journey, my heart lost of that faith, and i wanted to run. I am so thankful that you prayed for me and with me... and that you were patient with me while I regained that faith. I am so thankful that you didn't let me go. On this day, I am not only marrying my soulmate, but also my best friend. I amy not have always been sure of where God was taking us, but I have always been sure that we were going there together. I am excited about us growing closer to our Lord and Saviour every day and I am looking forward to growing old with you. It is my prayer that if God should call me home first, that your voice will be the last thing my ears every hear, that your face will be the last thing that my eyes ever see, and that your touch will be the last thing that I ever feel. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so that I never have to live without you. I love you and I am both honored and proud to be your missing rib...your wife. I love you."
I love her so much. I miss her tons. But in Christ there is no goodbyes, just see you later.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Well actually it would've been 2 years ago tonight, but anyway, this would've marked mine and lib's 2 year dating anniversary. I'm sorta in a weird funk about it all. I'm upset, but things haven't been too bad. I'm just not getting over all this...which makes sense...it's gong to take a while. However, what keeps me happy is all the great things that me and her went through. Our first date was awesome. Here's kinda the background on before the date and the date itself...
I was on my way to Rhode Island for a Spring Break Mission trip with the USM BSU. I wasn't going to go. Alot of stupid junk happened with me and an ex, so i really didn't feel that i was "good enough" to really witness or anything else to anyone (kinda funny for the soon to be pastor). I felt that God was pushing me to go and that there was a reason for me to go. So I went. We got there on a saturday and i had my bags lost. I was prolly the best person to have his bags get lost. I'm pretty matter-of-fact about those sorta things. So we got to our hotel unpacked and then went to see the sights of Providence, RI. It was a really nice city at night (i'd much rather it stay that way when it snows...snow makes things so dirty when it melts). We went to the mall, ice skating, and just enjoying each others fellowship in the group. We headed back, did our nightly prayer and devotional (which really helped keep us together), and then went to bed. Sunday morning was church time. We met the other school group that was going to help us. They were from Delta State. It was all girls and one guy (i figured either the guy was really lucky or really UNlucky). I got to talking with a couple of the girls. One that i thought was pretty cool was this red head named ashley. cute, short, and pretty good to talk to. We went inside of the school building (which was the church for the time being) and i met the rest of the group. There was annoying girl that i thought was pretty conceited and talked too much. I didn't really catch her name that day. started with an L or something. So anyway we did the events for the day and the next day (it was 2 years ago...i don't remember too much of it...hey, i can't even remember yesterday).
I saw the DSU group again on tuesday night when we were at Johnson and Wales Univ. handing out tracs and fliers and hot cocoa. We met up at a function for the 2 groups and the small group with the JWU crew. I got to talking with another girl...beth...she was the DSU BSU director's daughter and apparently she had a liking for guys that had pierced tongues and pierced eyebrows...and blue eyes (i told her i was going to get my tongue pierced the day we got back). She was one of the crazy kinda girls that were rebellious of there parents if they were an authority figure (the Preacher's Kid syndrome). Then i talked to a couple more of the girls including that one annoying girl. She seemed to be more sincere. She told me of her events of the day. Apparently she had cried alot because someone told her that they were an atheist and didn't believe in God. She had a real love of the Lord and this really struck something in her. This made me melt the barrier i put up in front of talking with her. I even got her name. Her name was Libby...what an interesting name.
A couple days and painted church later...we had some community work to do. We were to go out and survey the people out in the neighboorhood of that church we went to on sunday. We went to get in our groups at the pastors house. I wasn't going to pick my group they were going to pick me...i was shy. Well this group of blondes came to me to pick me...it was a girl named rachel and that libby girl. Well we went out into the hood and did our few hours of door to door surveys...in between which i got to know libby and rachel more. somehow libby kept getting dunked into the snow....by me. She was pretty pickable. I really liked hanging with her. We went back to the house and hung out and fellowshipped and ate with everyone. I sat with my bsu group and libby came over to chill out with us. I think mike was getting close to her...but she wanted me to warm her feet. I sat on her feet to warm them and flirted more with her. I really didn't think anything was going to come of it. I mean she's in North mississippi and i'm on t he coast. Well i got ashley's email addy and libby got mine and i got hers...dolphingril1532...how girly. Well, went to do our witnessing thing that night...i told the girls that i would try to get over there to see them before they left.
The next day i didnt' get over there in time...so i didn't see them leave. Kinda a bummer. We left Providence and me and the rest of my guys were tlaking about our "tall glasses of water." They thought that me and Lib would be cute...i didn't really know...i didn't really want anything. But she was cute. I had this idea in my head. Whoever was going to call me or write me first i was going to start talking to. I got to New Orleans and Dani came to pick me up. I told her about my trip and my "tall glass of water." I also told her that someone said that she may have a boyfriend. Well she told me to not even worry about it, she prolly won't write, and she prolly had a boyfriend. I tried to convince her that she didn't (i believed the girl over the rest of the others...turns out she didn't ;-) ). I tried to actually avoid the whole thing after that initial conversation (bad thing to bring up with dani at the time.)
Next day, i get my tongue pierced. I check my email to see if anyone's wrote yet...check my phone to see if anyone's called...nope...nothing...i check back at about 2p...and sure enough...i got an email...from a cell phone? I check it...it's libby. I call the number and we get to talking....and talking ...and talking. We actually talk everyday that week. Man, i've never met anyone so perfect...well she wasn't perfect...but she was for me...but i didn't want to give up my hopes...i wasn't ready for it. I ask her out on a friendly date for friday night (the 21st). We were to meet in Jackson eat that the mall and go to the movie.
Friday (21st). I pull up in my truck and wait...we actually pulled up at the same time. I saw her get out of her Red Ford Explorer. I knew that i was to be with her. I knew i loved her from that moment on...just seeing her from across the parking lot. Her big smile....her long blonde hair...her bounciness. I wanted to be with her. We hug....that confirmed those feelings. we went to eat first...chic-fil-a. i made fun of her funny eating habits and she made fun of me not being able to eat because of my tongue ring. we went around the mall and i discovered her fascination with fashion and clothes and family and small animals and jessica simpson...and i still wanted to be with her. I would sneak my arm across hers and tickle her and grab at her hands to take something trivial...anything to just touch her to be close to her...I've never felt like that ever. We went to see the movie after. We went to see "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." I thought maybe she was trying to tell me something. She paid for dinner and the movie...so i figured i could see it. It took me no time to reach for her hand in the dark theatre. Our hands intertwined just as our future rings would signify us being together. The movie was over, but we still wanted to hang out with each other. We went to Barnes and Noble and had coffee till it closed...talked alot about our parents, family, school, the movie, etc. She took me back to my truck. We talked even longer. Something told me in the back of my head to ask her to be my girlfriend...and to make it special...ask it like it's never been asked. I don't remember how i did it...but i do remember us both crying...i didn't want this...but God brought us together and knew right then and there that i had to be with her. We left each other at 1245am but still talked to each other till i got back to my dorm. I knew from that moment on i was in love.
Little did i know that in just less than a year and 10 months that i would have to face the loss of her in my world. She's with me, but it's not the same. I don't see that smile, I don't feel that touch, I don't hear that voice, i don't taste that kiss. My senses seem as though they have a void. I miss her. I miss her so much. She brought a newness that noone was able to get me to see. But i'm ok with it all. I know she's in a better place. She has perfection. And with Jesus Christ, there are no good byes...just see you laters.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
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 | You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.
Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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| Subject: | ...... |
| Time: | 11:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. | | Music: | steam coming out of my ears. |
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they can just find another stupid crony to take over....
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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You are THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. You are classy
and dark at the same time. Your glitz and glam
bring an awestruck audience into your gripping
story. You exemplify a passion for music and
your songs, as well as the voices that sing
them, are beyond compare.
Your songs include "Think of Me,"
"All I Ask of You," and "Music
of the Night."
What Broadway Musical Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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| Subject: | ..... |
| Time: | 12:44 am. |
| Mood: |  lonely. | | Music: | Only Hope - Mandy Moore (don't judge me). |
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Sometimes i think we as humans love pain. I am no different. I've had the hardest day today than i think i've had since Libby's passing. My weekends are lonely, but i've had work to look forward to. It keeps me busy, sometimes too busy. Well, after a long stressful week, I finally had sometime to myself...which i think was a terrible thing...well besides the fact that i got my clothes cleaned. I think i cried all day today. And of course i bawled when i decided to torture myself by watching a movie. Not just any movie, but mine and libby's movie, A Walk To Remember. I think it was a good thing to watch, i really enjoyed it...but i couldn't help but feeling even more lonely than i usually do. I cried through most of the movie. I miss libby. I don't think people at work will realize that. They think that busying myself is going to help me cope, but as i've always said to her (and what she always turned back onto me) you can't run from your problems...sometimes you have to face them head on. Well, i think i tried that too soon...i faced it...and lost. I sometimes think i love to see myself hurt or that i deserve it or something. The thing about that movie was that it was libby and I that we saw in that movie, falling in love over and over again. Everytime we watched it. Now seeing it hurts. She helped me to renew my faith in Christ. I helped her cope with the problems in her past. We helped each other get over those issues we needed to, even when we made more issues. I loved every moment i spent with her, innocent and not so innocent...good, bad, fun, boring, wonderful, or stressful...everyday with her was perfect. I never thought i'd have to live without her. And now how do i cope? Me and her had a different sort of friendship, relationship...she honestly was my best friend. She was the greatest thing to me in this world besides my salvation. What do i do now? I know that all my friends say to call if i have needs, but it's such a different thing now. I feel like more of a burden than anything else. I feel that i make people uncomfortable when they bring up libby or when i bring her up. Not many of us have come upon this...i know i haven't. As i was talking with one of lib's cousins, i said how much easier if it was someone else's problem. I could be there for someone else...i didn't have to feel helpless...i would still have libby next to me. But it's a selfish desire (a natural...but selfish desire). She has perfection and i would never want to take that from anyone. She was my love, my life, my earthly perfection. No she wasn't perfect...just perfect for me. Well...i'm going to bed...gonna stop boring or crying out for help or whatever it is i'm doing. Night
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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I just saw one of the coolest things i think ever will see...well until i actually see it....
http://hitchhikers.movies.go.com/
Hitchhikers Guide the Galaxy is going to come out (again) in May of 2005. I say again because they made an ultra low budget version of it years ago, but now....yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The things that will tempt to go to the movie theatre...that and Star Wars.
Geek power baby!
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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| Subject: | thanks |
| Time: | 9:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | Libby's Dad on the Phone. |
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i want to thank everyone that attend Libby's funeral and all those who supported me and her family. Your prayers and thoughts are definitely appreciated. It's been hard, but the Lord has been getting me through it. It's just going to get harder, but with Faith and with all my friends, i can get through it. Thanks again.
Mat
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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To my love, my heart, my life,
Libby, I can't say how much I love you. There are not words to express the love that i have for you. You will always be apart of me. It's hard for me to not to grieve, but i am making it. It just seemed like we had such a long time ahead of us, and now...i'm not really quite sure. Libby, you are the greatest friend of all. You are the most wonderful thing that has ever happend to me. You really turned me around. I was going down a path i hated, and i tried to run from God, but you wouldn't let me. You were God's messenger for me. God spoke to me through you in so many ways. There is no doubt in my mind that you were meant for me. In a blink of an eye, life seems that it was so cruel, but i know the true beauty. Isn't it crazy? Someone yesterday told me that death wasn't natural. But you were brought LIFE EVERLASTING. Joel said that death is apart of life. He's so true. He may not think of it on the level that we do...you know and understand it alot more than i do now. At the age of 14 you died to yourself. You had a renewness of life. In John 3:16, it says "God loved the world so much that He gave His only Begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER should believe in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life." I know you are finally alive. Pooky, the tears i shed are because i don't know how to deal with all of this. I already miss having you call me late at night, just to say "i love you." Libby i thank you for all that you have done for me. You really have touched so many lives. This has softened so many hearts. Many cannot comprehend what had happend. "How? She was such a sweet girl? She was so innocent?" Little did they know (smile). Libby, my love, i don't know what to say. I'm sorry? I miss you? how about I LOVE YOU. You are giving me so much now...now that you are gone. I haven't realized it yet, but i know you have. It's hard. I keep thinking about how or what i'm going to do. All that pops in my head is "Pray." I know that's from you. I know it's from our Lord and Saviour...and your next door neighboor, Jesus Christ. I pray for strength, for allowing me to not be bitter, for helping me not be angry, and to love you and the Lord continually. 1st Thess. 5:15-18 says, "See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men. Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
I have been praying without ceasing, rejoicing in the fact that you are with our Father above, and Thanking the Lord that you knew Him and that He paid the way for everyone's, including yours and mine's, salvation. Alot of people are going to try to understand what happened. Prov. 3:5 tells us to just trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not to depend on our own understanding. So many have tried to make God that is subserviant to them, but you served the Lord. You encouraged me daily to serve Jesus, seek His will, and seek His face.
Libby, my love, my heart, my life, I love you so very much. I'm going to miss you so much. God had a will for you. God had a time for you. None can fathom why He chose then, but I try not to argue. I would never want to take you away from perfection. Next to my salvation, you were my perfection here on this imperfect earth. I love you more than ever before. I love the Lord ever more. I know you and Him want me to continue on my path to preaching and protecting what is right and just and true. Thank you. I LOVE YOU.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength
of my life; of whom shall i be afraid?"
Psalm 27:1 Your favorite verse
To Libby, from Mat
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 31st, 2004
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RULES:
1. On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty-five songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
2. Write down one line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. (NO CHEATING! NO GOOGLE!))
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out the line and list the correct name of the song next to it. (Don't strike out the line until the song's ARTIST and NAME have both been guessed correctly!)
1. May your days be merry and bright
2. I'm gonna show you love in every language
3. Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing your love
4. Give me something I can belive
5. And like Icharus i collide
6. I have found the answer is to love you and you alone
7. Have a merry merry merry Christmas
8. Will you show me
9. This is what i desire
10. Everybody needs it everybody wants it everybody searches for someone
11. Let every heart prepare Him room
12. Do I have the right to walk
13. Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
14. Eleven pipers peeping [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<yes that's>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] RULES:
1. On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty-five songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
2. Write down one line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. (NO CHEATING! NO GOOGLE!))
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out the line and list the correct name of the song next to it. (Don't strike out the line until the song's ARTIST and NAME have both been guessed correctly!)
1. May your days be merry and bright
2. I'm gonna show you love in every language
3. Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing your love
4. Give me something I can belive
5. And like Icharus i collide
6. I have found the answer is to love you and you alone
7. Have a merry merry merry Christmas
8. Will you show me
9. This is what i desire
10. Everybody needs it everybody wants it everybody searches for someone
11. Let every heart prepare Him room
12. Do I have the right to walk
13. Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
14. Eleven pipers peeping <yes that's peeping>
15. Tell me reveal to me
16. Norma Jean ain't that the song we'd sing
17. The girls teasing laughter carrying farther than they know
18. And I've never been so sure of anything in my life
19. I prayed search my heart and search my heart you did
20. Universe declares Your majesty
21. You can't attract the things you lack, you're trying in vain
22. When you like those candles up there on that mantle, setting the mood
23. Can't feel my feet touching the ground
24. In Your mercy deliver me from my enemies
25. No more cold iron shackles on my feet |
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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i was wandering through mine and others LJ's and i noticed...i haven't wrote in a while. I can say i have been generally busy, but i do make time to see what is going on in LJ, but i never write. Some updates...I got promoted (salary sucks, but benefits are good), I had an epiphany that God wants me to be a lawyer (looking into the Christian Law Association) and a pastor, still busy with church and work, I'm alot happier than i was last year, and me and Libby are alot happier and getting along alot better plus we are have been with each other for a year and 9 months...and we only have 7 months and 1 week till we are married (yeah i know...Mat Seiller getting married? that's what i thought too). What can i say, i tried to run away from the one relationship that God placed in my lap. Finally i got the hint when He was telling me, "look dummy! she's got the point now what about you? You and her...forever...deal with it!" I finally come to grips with it. I enjoy being around her now and i definitely give her alot more respect now than i ever did. I love her...that's all i can really say. Sometimes God just has to slap me across the face with a salmon to get me to listen (Monty Python's come to mind). Any who....CHRISTmas was good. Just glad i got things i wanted rather than things i deserved. I forsee that 2005 will be alot better...i know it will begin off alot better. Well i have to jet... i have to prepare for my sermon tonight...they're going to let me preach again for a little bit at church. Yay me. Later and God Bless
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 28th, 2004
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You Are the Reformer |
1
You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong.
High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them.
You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect.
You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 24th, 2004
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"I once was a tadpole when i began to begin,
then i was a frog with my tail tucked in,
then i was monkey in a cocanut tree,
and now i'm a doctor with a P.H.D."
have a blessed day
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
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The University of Southern Mississippi is a university ran by a bunch of money-theiving morons that want nothing better to do than screw people out of one, an education, two, their money, and three, sanity...and money again while you weren't looking. If you are going to USM, i'm sure at some point in time you can agree with this statement. They screwed me out of 1283$ and were relentless about getting the money. Like they were hurting. They fail to get "qualified" advisory type people that are supposed to help the students with next semester admissions, this year admissions, clubs, organizations, tuitiion, room and board, meal plans, etc. However, the staff at USM, both Gulf Coast and Hattiesburg, have proved to be imcompetant and borderline mentally deficient when it comes to matters that go on outside their little pea brains. They need to get their little beauraucratic act together and get on the same page when dealing with any issue that involves the students. They have turned education into a lucrative business that has little to do with the students anymore. When it comes to professors, they seem to want to hire the less competant and controllable and exterminate the proficient and "think for self" sort of professors. How can someone lose transcripts from one school to another....when ITS THE SAME FREAKIN' SCHOOL!!!! I had this problem when i was going there that year. How can they say all your tuition and boarding is paid and then come back and say that it's not? how can they make policies, break them, and then not know which is where and what? Noone there knows what is going on and who to talk to. Why? What is so hard about organization? Especially when you are a freakin' UNIVERSITY!!!! Morons!!!! "Above all, humanity," eh? If that's the case, then we are in deep trouble. Find a different school if you are thinking about USM. If you are going, get out! If you have gasoline....anyway....Go DAWGS!!!!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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The concert last night was great! Keith I wish you could've come. The deftones put on a great show. Chino got shocked by an open wire. They played one of their old demos, "Can't Breathe". They started off with the first songs off the 4 albums in decsending order. It was awesome...high energy. Even a song by the cure was played...It was awesome. As Keith would say, sorta, "it took a leg to fallice of the show." It was great. Getting up at 530 sucked. Working all day sucked. Falling asleep while counting sucked. But the show rocked. I missed ya' Keith.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, September 26th, 2004
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| Subject: | over |
| Time: | 11:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | Anberlin - ready fuels. |
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well the show is over and it ended well...
didn't start well...but i was very happy with how it ended. I don't know about people's attitudes through the show, but things seemed to end on a good note. I know people think i may have abandoned my duties when it came to strike, but apparently they don't know (and don't care for that matter) how my job works. If i'm running a store, i have to be there...and it's not like i can call in sick or get someone to take over all the time...i'm sorta the man that HAS to do everything. I maybe young...but i'm important. I was fortunate enough to be able to get someone to run the first part of my inventory. It's also another thing that i need money to pay the bills and unless someone's gonna gimme money (which is cool...i'm not objecting to that)... Also, i've been with this freakin' show everystep of the way and everything that has been apart of it. Just chill and take things out on me. Anywho. And to end this session of this rant...if you're gonna break into my apartment...leave it the way it was when you got there... The hole was still open in that window and the window wasn't shut all the way...and found the kitty just chillin' outside. I know it's just a "stupid cat," but she's still MY stupid cat. I don't go to your house and free your kids, birds, dogs, goats, pets, husbands, wives, goldfish, etc. I know you had to get it, but be a bit more careful if it happens again. But it's all gravy. she's here, safe and sound, and whining...i love having a female around. End Rant
Ya'll take care, sleep tight...and the next time you'll see me on stage is with a hammer or a paint brush in my hand...or maybe with humoroids. Anyway...take care
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
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Sunday, September 5th, 2004
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I'm freakin' tired. I just finished washing clothes...by hand...2 weeks worth of clothes by hand! My hands hurt so bad. Having to ring out and ring out and ring out 3 million articles of clothing. My hand looks like that of an old lady's. It's really something i wanted to do on a saturday night. Only not really. Of course i don't get invited nowhere anymore, not even in theatre when something is going on. SIGH. Oh well, maybe i need to be alone. It gives me sometime to speak to the 2 people who matter most. I'm not sure why they don't though...maybe it's cause i don't drink, smoke or anything else, so i guess that means i'll just be the bore or let down of the party or night. SIGH. I think I'll stop whining, it does no good anyway. I think it's bed time. I hope something will be dry by the time for church tomorrow.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
phrayl's journal
not really....
optimistic.
exhausted.
thoughtful.
stressed.
pessimistic.
giddy.
confused.
busy.
cheerful.
infuriated.